I recently volunteered to speak on a panel that offered advice to new parents who are soon returning to work, as someone who'd just been and done it. There were questions on how I approach working from home while simultaneously caring for a baby during COVID-19 and it reminded me that I didn't see much online about how to do this when I went back to work two+ months ago. So here is my blueprint in case anyone finds it useful. It won’t be right for many situations, but if you are in a household with two parents in 'office jobs', it could be a good fit.
For context, I work in marketing in the financial services industry. I had my baby in April at the apex of the pandemic in New York City, 3.5 months maternity leave, and then returned to work full time. My husband also works full time from home and is in tech. We both have some autonomy on our schedule and hours, but each need to attend anything from a few to a lot of meetings in one day. Both of us have offices that are closed until at least the end of 2020.
Work-life balance is important to both of us - and I believe integral to maintaining good mental health that enables us to bring our best selves to our jobs - and we do not manage this by working all night or at weekends (with occasional exceptions).
Why 'wing it', why not day care or a nanny?
Due to the pandemic these options were not open to us when my maternity leave ended. As things open up, these become an option depending on your risk appetite. Emily Oster has excellent evidence based, sensible advice about weighing the risk of child care options during COVID on her blog - I recommend signing up to her newsletter for all her latest thoughts as the situation develops. Since the 'winging it' method has worked for us so far and is the lowest risk to our baby and household, we plan to continue with it for now. Note that the CDC flags on their website that children under one year old are of increased risk.
The 'Winging It' method is conceived for two parents working full time at home. It assumes that both parents can feed the baby.
Sleep in alternating night shifts: one night on, one night off, in rotation.
Didn't have a great night? No worries, you'll get a full night's sleep the following night.
It is hardest when you make the transition back to work at first because the baby's night sleep will likely still be unsettled. We were able to move our baby off night feeding at around three months, just in time for my return to work. A month later, we moved baby to his own room per recommendations in the Taking Cara Babies course for 3-4 months old (note: the AAP suggestion is to wait longer). That made a huge difference to quality of sleep for all of us.
Protect your sleep: on the night you're not on shift do whatever it takes to completely switch off. For me, it's an eye mask and ear plugs. Meditate, sleep in another room - whatever works for you. And you KNOW screen time ain't good! Keep that phone in another room.
Rotate baby care based on wake windows.
I had initially imagined a two hour on, two hour off schedule. But in the end, being led by baby felt easier, more natural, and builds in a flexibility to the cadence of the day that has worked well.
Parent on shift takes first wake window. This enables the parent who is in recovery to make the most of it. Also, the timing works well for your typical office job. By 3.5-4 months you'll aim to have your baby doing an 11-12 hour sleep period overnight. Say your baby's wake time is 6:30-7am: they'll be fed, played with and be hitting their first nap by 9am, ready for your work day. Then you get the duration of the first nap, the second parent's first shift, and the second nap all before you need to start your shift again. That could be as much as 5+ hours of uninterrupted work time. Of course, it rarely works out this simply if you both have meetings during the day.
Flex caregiver based on meeting priority
We think of meetings in three categories:
Super important (e.g. client presentation). Cannot be interrupted in any circumstances outside of an emergency. Other parent aims to keep noise to a minimum or even takes baby out on a stroller walk.
Active (e.g. 1:1, presenting to team). Regardless of shift, the other parent takes the baby care during this time.
Passive (e.g. Town Hall, training). Continue with shift as usual.
As they come up, we block out our calendars in advance with any meetings the other parent has that fall into the 'super important' category. That protects our work calendar from unexpected double booking. We prefer to be more flexible around 'active' meetings and don't always block that time out – there is only so much calendar coordination you can do on top of everything else. But this is where we find the trickier scheduling clashes tend to occur. Then we real-time negotiate who takes baby based on need.
There is also baby flexibility to help out! Maybe your little one isn't showing strong signs of tiredness for their next nap but uh oh, you both have an 'active' meeting coming up at the same time. Put baby down a little early! Sometimes you'll get lucky, sometimes you won't.
Figure out a good baby activity sequence
Our general cadence for a 'wake window'/shift looks like this, with the caveat that it will of course evolve over time with baby's age:
Baby wakes from nap. Sing a little hello song, get him out of sleep sack, feed him.
Time for baby bouncer while feed settles with a toy or two (approx 10-15 min). This is a good opportunity to get some emails done.
Play mat session for tummy time. In our case, now that our little one is almost 6 months and can wriggle some distance, we invested in a play yard on top of a foam mat so that he is safely contained.
From about 4.5 months old the Jumparoo was a HUGE hit. This buys another 10 min where baby is entertaining himself. It has the added bonus of tiring him out from all the excited jumping so that he sleeps well during his next nap. We limit time with this as there is some controversy when it comes to overuse - this article sums up the issues. I put a little foam mat under the Jumparoo since we have hardwood floors to cushion impact.
'Interaction time'. We've found that we can pull off the first half of a shift with our baby entertaining himself pretty well, as long as he has toys and some attention (and of course, supervision). The second half of the shift when he is getting tireder, he needs more interaction. And this feels good because there is a sense he is fostering independence in the first part of the shift (while we get work done!) and the second part of the shift for bonding and play together. I don't try to multi-task during this 'interaction time' and dedicate it solely to him. This can mean being away from my desk for an hour, so I occasionally check in on emails to be sure nothing is blowing up. Ideas for 'interaction time':
Songs! Wheels on the Bus with silly noises and actions is a huge hit for us. You can do the actions for your baby to watch or include him (e.g. when you get to wipers going swish, pick up baby and swish his legs back and forth).
Bed roll-around games. I've found you can play more interactively with baby on the bed because it’s more comfortable for the parent to roll around (obviously taking care about the falling hazard). Examples: lie on your back with your little one on your tummy and pretend you're a motorbike going round corners or a horse trotting. We have a game where we lie alongside each other and when he rolls towards me I call "love attack" and go in with all the hugs and kisses, which he loves.
Sitting games. I like to put baby on my knee and sing Surfin' USA while he tries to balance on his legs, then when he 'falls off' I pretend he's in the surf (swing legs in the air) and then there's a shark attack (munch on his belly), maybe he has to swim to shore (put down on couch and rotate hands), then phew, he's safe (hug!)... and start again.
Fitness games. I am usually pretty active but the whole having-a-baby-during-a-global-pandemic situation has impacted that. But I figure that something is better than nothing and baby loves doing this Mommy and Me workout together. I usually just do the squats-shoulder press part by itself because he loves going down and up.
7. Wind-down time. After all that excitement, a relaxing song and dance together (especially skin-to-skin!) can be just the thing to get baby in a calmer mood for moving into the nursery, getting out that sleep sack, turning on that sound machine and winding down for that next nap.
There are two more things I believe are important to pull off 'Winging It'.
1. Practice ruthless efficiency
Say no to meetings you don't need to attend. If you don't know why you've been invited or the agenda is unclear, ask. That hour-long meeting where you really just need a summary of the discussion? Get 5 mins with the organizer on the phone another time to summarize it for you. You just saved yourself 55 minutes.
Block time in your calendar when you need it. I pump while at meetings (without video on), but you are entitled to time out to pump or nurse your baby. Take it if you want it.
Remove temptation. Do not have your personal phone in your work space. (This helped me way more than I’d like to admit.)
Keep a list of all your tasks by project. At the start of every day, review that list and decide what your priorities are for the day. Keep it written down in front of you (or in my case, in a perpetually open spreadsheet). When you get back to your desk after a distraction, you have an immediate reminder of what you need to be jumping back into.
Carve out 'micro-moments'. One of the best times I have discovered for 'working' is pacing in the darkened room to relax baby before a nap. Suddenly my world is cleared of distractions. I just have to remind myself to mindfully find these moments when I choose to do 5-10 minutes of “thinking” work. I’ve found it’s usually more effective to not be at your desk to brainstorm solutions.
2. Practice self care.
Carve out 'me time'. This may not feel possible, but it makes a world of difference. I try to do a 10 min yoga session each morning. The days I miss it do not seem to play out as well. I also like Mamma Strong: 15 min daily workouts for $5 a month.
Create and protect family rituals. If our schedules permit we do a daily ‘family walk’ together where we stroll around our neighborhood, sometimes get a cup of coffee or drop off the laundry (that’s Brooklyn for you – no washing machine in our apartment). It’s weird how in this pandemic world you can live with your partner 24/7 in the same tiny space and yet not have much quality time together – these walks do us good by creating a space for conversation, as well as integrating sanity-saving outdoors time and exercise.
Assert your needs (politely!) Tell your boss what you need. If you need to turn off your camera in a meeting because you're pumping or nursing, that's reasonable. Don't ask permission. There's a difference between asserting your need politely ahead of time vs. positioning it as optional and a decision for your manager to make.
Keep a glass of water at your desk. Especially if you're breastfeeding.
BE KIND TO YOURSELF. This is hard at the best of times. And we're in the middle of a global pandemic! You are doing just great.
Lastly, I want to be clear I do not think I have all the answers! This is what has worked best for us so far and I hope sharing it can help others. Please let me know if you have different ideas or feedback, I'd be interested to hear it.
Good luck! 🍀